“We'll get to the bottom of this.”
It echoed over and over, as if there would ever be a bottom, a finish line to this race. Jyoti remembered the day of the burials all too well, but what haunted her now wasn't the loss, so much as loss comes and goes and arrests the normality of life with crippling pain and uncertainty, but it was the fact that everyone seemed to think they could solve it. Cousin Everet, her brother, her father, on and on.
Jyoti had to wonder what it was she wanted out of all of this. She wants closure for her family, sure, but isn't closure synonymous with moving on? If so, shouldn't they get on that? Well, she's not her mother, so thinking about it too deeply isn't going to be of much help.
So she focuses on work, hoping the army will neatly wrap any loose ends in her life and remove her ability to feel things. So far that hasn't happened, and she feels an increasing sense of frustration at not suddenly becoming the master of herself.
So after work one day, as she stops to buy the ingredients for bouillabaisse (or some similar thing that she can't pronounce) when a young intern from the hospital stops her, she is ready to throw down. “What do you want?” She asks, all tension and irritation.
But he knows her, from somewhere and place she doesn't remember, probably school.
He remembers her name, she doesn't ask his. She watches as he nervously rubs the back of his neck. Is he trying to hit on her? She didn't think the uniform was something that men found attractive on women, but oh-kay.
So when he starts telling how it's great to run into her here, and how he never quite got up the nerve to ask her out, she attempts to cut him off, save both of them time. Any excuse will do! “We probably don't even have the same favorite color.” She lets her tone suggest the near-religious impropriety of that possibility.
But he will not be dissuaded. “Lime green and royal blue are practically complimentary!” He bursts out, for some reason buying her act that she cares.
“Okay, alright, sorry. I like women.” She lies through her teeth. She likes no one, and it can stay that way for all she cares. No one will ever replace the men that she has lost. Her first love, her true love, both have left no room for anyone else in her heart.
He hesitates, catching on. She's lying, and it doesn't matter how fresh his breath is right now, he's not going to get a kiss from the young Private.
She manages to get away from the awkward situation and heads over to the (town square) balloon park where she buys a lavender tea to calm herself down and whittle away the night.
Silence at last.
And promptly returns home to crash, having no energy for climbing even a single step.
The next morning starts off normal enough. Dustin and Meghan head on over to Lazi to check on the recently finished renovations. Meghan doesn't get what everybody else sees in tanning themselves. She's been taking her medication on time, so the sun is less worrying than ever, but somehow still she manages to lay down in tights, capris, shoes, and under an umbrella. She will later complain that she doesn't feel at all more refreshed, and instead she gets a weird kink in her neck that lingers. Why do people do this?
Dustin is feeling pretty good about the place, planning to add a performance park one day to train up local talent and start some kind of magic school, even if it's unofficial or becomes exclusive. He just wants more people to learn that their talents can be useful, more kids to have hope and learn to work hard, like he has. He hopes more people make it.
On the other side of town, the Mayor pays a visit to a certain renown and seeming un-aging, local inventor.
Loki had laid low from previous acquaintances for decades and focused on his photography while in Starlight, but more than ever lately he'd found himself back at his work bench. It was one of the few things he could do that made him feel alive, that predated his 'condition'. At times he works in the sun to feel the heat of his semi-mortal body flaking off and fading into embers. He has to be alive if he can still feel that.
The mayor doesn't seem to be the kind of man who cares about such philosophy, however. He is frank and specific. He asks questions about Circe Kirke (formerly Beaker), who Loki himself hasn't seen in more than a year. She was always a brilliant doctor, working full time and still running free clinics in less fortunate neighborhoods, helping Starlight's forgotten and growing homeless population whenever she got the chance, and being of generally great assistance to the research facility with her findings from those clinics. She had helped stave off the outbreak of disease on more than one occasion, and has played a crucial role in the development of new and highly effective drugs over the years of her career.
She was up for tenure, and now is nowhere to be found. The fact that she is missing is considered a great loss to many prominent people in the city, and is of no importance whatsoever to the inventor. His adult children had long since moved out, and are living nearby so he can look in on them, and he cares about his offspring more than his diabolical ex-wife. His only satisfaction in the matter is that he refused to give her the near-immortality of a vampiric transformation, despite her many attempts to coerce, cajole, and torment it out of him.
Loki of course knows that the free clinics were simply access for Circe to get her hands on test subjects with no documentation and forgotten people that society would not come after if they went missing, and has been wondering himself if she didn't just kidnap enough people to start some sort of pseudo-science commune in the foothills of the eastern mountains, running a huge social experiment complete with live sims as test subjects.
It sounded crazy, but she'd been interested in similar ideas for years and knowing her as intimately as he now does, he certainly wouldn't hold her in higher esteem than a plot like it. She was a woman with no moral compass, or to better compare it, it was as if her compass pointed in a different direction than that of everyone around her. People were mammals, flesh and bone, of malleable mind and heart, while she was more of a... shark.
When it's clear that Loki truly has no idea about what his ex is doing (and less interest in discussing her), Mayor Huanna changes topics, congratulating him on his new engagement. He says an awkward thanks, it's yet another last-minute love-at-first-sight relationship, and all he can say is that they're probably getting married soon.
Loki wishes him luck on his bid for state governance, and they part ways.
The inventor leaves first, the hot desert air folding behind him as if in mirage, and the Mayor hesitates, contemplating his surroundings before taking his leave. What an unusual man. Loki Beaker. Useful, but not loyal to any sort of governance, really. Unable to be bribed or brought over to anyone's side, somebody to be cautious of. Would he be able to be brought under control if need be?
Loki, for his part, arrives at Varg's Hangout, feeling that he is right on time, depending of course, on which time this actually is. He had seen so many futures that every moment for him is real, and equally not real. There is a feeling associated with nerves in his stomach, and the pleasantly painful sensation that he is losing a paper-thin layer of skin every few minutes to the radiation of the sun, something he has learned to appreciate. Not many things can move him emotionally now, so physical feelings are often what drive him and move him forward. He waits, knowing somehow that this place is significant, right now.
Jyoti can hardly believe it, but she's not sure if the person she had seen out of the corner of her eye was real, or not. She had come to Varg's to... well why had she come here, in the first place? She was curious about Kevin, but knows he never stepped foot inside. She had been reminiscing lately, retracing her youthful steps, that must have been what led her here. She didn't expect to see Loki, ever again really. She had counted on it, had mourned it.
She approaches cautiously, finding none of the ire that she can usually summon in her voice when he calls her. Although... it's been a long while now. He's an important connection to who she was at one time. “I thought you moved away.” She says without any greeting.
He answers her with a question.“Do you feel like you've discovered yourself, yet?” Somehow she feels compelled to answer him truthfully. “I don't think about myself that much anymore. I'm just... living. What about you, Loki? Are you alive, I mean, do you feel happy?”
“Those are very different things. I am happy to see you, today.” She rolls her eyes and his mouth turns up at the edge. “If you're still angry with me, you probably should be.”
Her response is somehow flatter than he expected. She looks weary, but nods slowly, as if he hasn't changed. It doesn't escape his notice that she's wearing something familiar. “Those earrings-” He begins.
But she cuts him off with a frown. “Don't be too full of yourself, I liked the style of them.”
“Funny, I feel like you can see through me a bit, for once.” His voice is somehow distant. “But it was you who imagined them so long ago to begin with.”
“You helped me to imagine it. How- how did you make me... have those dreams about you?” She stammers, feeling unlike her usual self. Her brave façade of these past months begins to evaporate at the sight of someone she once knew so closely.
Loki sighs deeply, wondering how much of the truth she should know, wondering how much time he should spend outside elaborating. “I was somewhat new to using my powers, initially, I thought I was communicating with someone else. But when I saw your future, fate, whatever you want to call it- I-”
“You became involved.”
“I thought it could be changed.” He admits quietly.
She turns her back for a split-second to look away from the compelling expression of vulnerability in his eyes, not wanting to admit how badly, at times in the last year that she'd wished she had run away with him. But she didn't regret her family, even if they were gone ahead of her to some other place she couldn't know about.
“I was so close to going with you then, I -I should have.” She admits her frustration just as she hears his footsteps falter behind her.
Then Malcolm would still be alive.
And he hits the ground loudly. Her reflexes were of no help as she wasn't even looking in the first place.
As it would turn out, he's been punishing himself too much, and the sun has gotten a dangerous hold on him this time. He's always relied on his good fortune to save him in moments like these, but as he is interacting with the heiress of this blog, his good fortune cannot be relied upon when it matters the most.
She takes a few moments to deliberate internally, then realizes that the heat is probably what got to him. Also, there are things she doesn't want to talk about out in the open like this. Having found her excuse to see more of him without guilt, she helps him falteringly get up off of the scorching pavement.
He is weak, but her car is nearby, so he follows her. With how elusive his appearances always were in the past, she feels like she doesn't want to let him out of her sight. She will get some answers out of him at last. Because he was the kind of man who was capable of appearing or disappearing into or out of her life at any time, she's going to make the most of it.
Except... when they get in the car an unspoken, expectant and sudden tension appears. She recognizes it instantly as something that never happened to her while she was awake with him. Would it be wrong to explore this complex feeling? He was just as infuriating and frustrating as she remembered, sitting there, like he doesn't know the turmoil in her mind to some extent.
“That creature...” He begins, his voice still sounding weakened.
“Just got made real.”
“No kidding.”
“He has no concept of time, so he probably won't notice us.” Loki just nods, aware of mixed signals coming from the creature's mind, as if it's broken somehow.
Wiggles doesn't notice them at all, as promised.
If Dustin knew it was this easy to get into his house...
Everet would love to stay and make friends, but he has an errand to run and so doesn't greet the guest. He and Wiggles have some things to prepare as the family home is being sold and they will have to find a new place that's not so ostentatious to stay at.
Loki and Jyo barely notice him as they spend a bit of time reminiscing. She keeps her lips tightly shut in case she should betray her excitement that he's actually here. So long ago, like Wiggles, he wasn't even real to being with.
It's a bit terrifying as he is so intelligent and that gives him a commanding confidence, but not scary because she feels she's seen his self-restraint and cannot help weighing that he's never hurt her in any physical way. She knows that he is not human (he's said so himself) but she's not sure what he is. Fae have wings and say stupid things when they are stressed. What has clear and yet deep and shining eyes that cannot easily be moved? She tries not to compare the man in front of her to Malcolm, but Malcolm would've been holding his breath by now in the conversation, not be skimming thoughts off of the surface of her mind and assuring her of her own safety with him.
She asks a few light hearted questions first, to distract herself from the force of the frustration she is feeling towards him. Why were the flowers so bright in her dreams? Was that his idea, or hers?
He doesn't want to tell her that it's because her fate was so tied to that graveyard, and yet she had a lot of hope so it was how her mind tried to reason with her future, attempting to brighten it up and put a happy face upon the evil truth. He wasn't lying about wanting to protect her.
Not long afterwards, her expression changes. She can't remain nonchalant with him for long. All of the unanswered tensions between them are swimming in her mind despite her efforts to be casual now, it's like she's shouting them at him and he's waiting for her to decide... what they're going to be. In the dreams there were so many vivid moments of passion that were nothing like anything she's ever experienced in reality, but those were bright and bubbly ideals- can she let him walk out of her life again without knowing 'what if'?.
Her heart hammers in her chest as he patiently stares at her with eyes like ice blue shards of glass, the muscles in her hands twitch as she resists the urge to reach for him.
What if ... what if ... WHAT IF?
At the same time Loki gets the sudden and surprising sense that he has lost something precious. No lost yet exactly, but slipping away to where he cannot reach...
Meghan and Dustin share a birthday on the other side of town. They were spending the weekend at the resort to celebrate. What neither of them know is that Loki frequently reinforces the magic tying both their life forces to his own energy, and although that tie is weakened by distance, it is strengthened all the more because they shared a long acquaintance with him, rooted in his past human nature. He is unable to do anything about their time as it moves forward, but he becomes the first to know after something major effects their life forces.
This is the moment that Loki realizes that he is still able to feel things on a deep emotional level after his transformation, after all. When Meghan finally crosses the last threshold of her life, how big of a part of him is going to die with her?
It is not Jyoti's fault that he wants her for so many reasons. She is the product of the people that he wanted to be among his own family, the woman that he truly belonged with, daughter of the friend that he cannot betray despite his crippling longing.
Not to say that Loki hadn't been wanting, expecting this moment to come with Jyoti for a long time, but the timing of it being today... transitions something within him. His longing for his life that was lost evaporates to reveal the future, the woman who stands in front of him. It's as if it was never about the dreams that he saw or instilled in the first place. It was about taking the place that was his.
...and before he can think carefully over the emotions that seem to shock his heart into beating again, he reaches out for the one who so desperately needs comfort herself.
There will be no going back after this. In betraying the purity of his love for Meghan, he both mourns the loss of her and welcomes the path ahead, in the arms of the shining vision that he had seen from afar off, back when he was penniless and alone, living in Twinbrook.
He resists the urge rising up in him to just bite her and keep her forever, but he's starting to know better than that, at least. His fleeting dream for a happy family is going to take a vampiric lifetime to fulfill.
For now, satiating the momentary needs will suffice. She clings to him desperately, and he allows himself to enjoy every sweet moment of it.
He doesn't stay long, only long enough to scrub the embers off of his skin and to satisfy Jyoti's many curiosities about him.
He leaves the house looking ridiculous.
(this dam game can't leave anything dramatic for long)
He drinks in the environment in which his friends live, saying goodbye to his expectations. He's going to go back to laying low for awhile, probably do some deep diving into the time machine with tweaks to follow certain threads of reality. He has no doubt that offspring will result from this. The question is, will they travel on the path that he foresees, should he shape it and mold it, or leave them be? He will have an eternity to find out.
It would be a lie to say his heart doesn't feel when he thinks of his childhood friends, one step nearer death and he on the cusp of his youth, but they have chosen their path and he, his.
Jyoti's curiosity is satisfied, for now. He was still rather elusive on the answers, she has no idea if she made the right choices today, but she knew she would regret not trying to find out. It's going to take her a long time to realize that Loki is just as human as the rest of the people she knows. Which is to say, not very.
She will not be surprised if it's a long time before he sees her again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In which I let Loki wear a stupid shirt. I was just following him out of curiosity as I hadn't seem him around town forever, so I put his bench outside his house and could see him inventing from time to time. I recorded the mayor's talk with him as it all seemed very clandestine, then he ran off to Varg's for whatever reason (I may have invited him, I don't know) and proceeded to pass out on the pavement. So naturally, Jyoti and he were crammed together for a moment of passion to satisfy my curiosity about whether or not his and Meghan's kids would've looked great together. Which was probably a dumb idea for the blog, but I feel like it accentuates Loki's inability to be either human or vampire, so I'm kind of happy with the result. It made things dramatic, right? (So sue me)
Holly Robbins is Loki's intended, thanks to NRAAS SP, who cannot leave sims I want to use outside of my playable families alone.
I give her a pity makeover, and now we will ignore her, although for non-plot purposes she becomes Holly Beaker. She grows old while they are married, and he doesn't remarry again until after she passes away in the distant future, in case I forget to mention it.
Meghan's elder makeover.
Dustin's elder makeover. (He has a feeling that he's got somebody's ass to kick)
I'm having a hard time letting them grow old, so I put Dustin in the same type and pattern of shirt he had in his teenage years.
Also, I've mentioned this before but this plot line ruins everything for me. Not the blog really, but the fact that I always want to write what my sims actually got up to on their own without forcing things for the sake of a story. This game is entertaining and intersting enough on its own! But since Jyoti never seemed to be able to find someone, I started the Loki storyline for her (because hey vampires have to date younger people because pretty soon in their lives everyone they are the same age as are dust) (and also hey, he's wanted what Dustin had forever because of happy family life blah blah).
Here is a picture to showcase my mistake. As Loki is a family-oriented sim, no matter how evil his wife, he would want to remain loyal to her. In the game at this time, Circe has long divorced him, so I set him up with Jyo again and then SP decided to pair him up with Holly, so he's engaged when we invited him over to the house. She rolled single parent anyways, so I'm not sure why I get so hung up about these things, wanting them to be 'realistic' to the sim's themselves. I'm sorry Loki, even though you're eccentric, you aren't the nutjob I painted you out to be. You may be in the futures though.
(realistic Loki) 'Ewww, you're young enough to be my granddaughter, and Meghan's kid? Ew Ewwwwwwww....'
Also his default top is from the 'Loki's aside' series where he was bitten and supposedly bled all over his shirt, poor guy can't catch a break.
So here he is, looking like a not-moron if I had known to shoot a scene with him more seriously. I think I just wanted someone to get his eyes.
Me too, Jyo. But, you probably shouldn't right now.
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