Jyo runs outside, even though it's raining. Her feelings have finally gotten the better of her, and she needed to get outside NOW.
Of course he knows to call her right now, when she's inconsolable. If he hadn't just helped the family in a massive way, she would not pick up the phone. She squeezes the device hard enough to crack the screen before pressing to answer.
“Loki, I can't do this.” She confesses immediately. “I could leave, just go somewhere. They don't need you in their reunion, well maybe I don't have to be there either, you know? It makes sense, right? It's my-my parents who need to get to know- Jiraya.” She starts hiccuping quietly before he can make out half of her words.
She listens while Loki tries to calm her down. He can't sense her mind from wherever he is, and all he can hear is the hitch in her voice when she tries to string a full sentence together. She can't go back in that house right now, where there is enough emotion in the air for her to drown in. That's her happy family in there, those are her happy loved ones and she should be relieved and excited not gasping with the shallow emptiness that it's not her family, too. Hers is still gone. She just watched someone else's kid come back to life, while hers is still dead.
He has no idea what she's thinking. She doesn't either, it's more akin to panic, like she's choking. Her brother is home, finally, and she should be feeling overwhelmed with joy. But instead, she's afraid. When Loki finally gives up on attempting to soothe her into not sniffling, he asks her what is wrong.
“I don't know yet.” She replies as quickly as possible before hanging up and shoving her phone deep into her pocket.
She grabs her keys and jumps into her car, speeding off into the cool night air.
Caz feels a bit better since grandma promised to always be there for him, but something about the way Jiraya looks so excited when he's looking over everything is very upsetting. It's not that kid's stuff, not really.
“I was here first.” Casimir states the obvious.
He tries telling his grandma's son (whatever the word is for that) that he must ask for permission before using any of the toys, and especially not to touch his paints, as they were a birthday present. When Jiraya responds by staring at him as if there was nothing worth saying, he stalks off, confused.
“Don't forget, okay?” He tosses a few words over his shoulder for good measure. “You need to ask.”
...what are paints? Jiraya is trying to remember, but it doesn't really phase him if there are things he can't use here, he has no need of it. Casimir seems upset though.
Caz comes back over, but he's not sure why. Maybe because of the response he'd received.
Jiraya and Casimir don't not like
one another, it's just that they're having trouble communicating. Caz
has no idea what it's like to worry over every sound, even now the
sounds of distant traffic or animals or even the rain as it hits the
clear, clean water of the pool are registered as new to Jiraya.
Jiraya has no idea what the pool's even for, and he hasn't decided if
this place is haunted or not yet.
Until Caz mentions being afraid of the dark, because they're still standing here outside, and he's uncomfortable. “I'm not afraid of anything.” Jiraya insists.
“Don't you know how many big animals live in the woods, and only come out at night? Everybody knows about that!”
“Eh. I'll bet the animals don't even want to leave the woods. They're probably more scared of you than you are of them.” Jiraya reasons.
He is rewarded with a fleeting genuine smile. “Do you want to play a game with me inside?”
I will always be trying to top the Dustin getting hit in the face with a pillow pic. Caz has nice eyes, here.
Casimir wins.
After Caz leaves, Jiraya tries to work through his first day in a new place. There's too much to put into words, even in his mind... but he doesn't feel bad about being here. It's all strange and different. Pictures of trees in books, didn't look like the wooded expanse he's seeing now from the second story window, where leaves like a moving blanket of green, shivering in cold rain are obscured by patches of cloying mist. The whole view is something unreal.
Jyo drives slowly, listless for a while. She circles downtown and passes the house a few times because she can't decide on turning down any particular road. She doesn't want to stop, until she realizes that there's somewhere she needs to go.
The house is peaceful, even stoic from the outside.
The buildings in Roaring heights, homes included, are all lit as if they are a focal point of community pride. Even that is different from Starlight Shores, where the city is bright and the houses have to squeeze in wherever they can, overshadowed by billboards and corralled by steep drops in elevation.
To the right of where Eugene and Lize rest, is the small tomb where Jyoti's son, and her husband, sleep.
“I'm sorry I haven't been by in a long time. I've wanted to move on, to start a new life here, so I thought I should let go, and not visit. But I failed. I want you with me, time hasn't healed anything, and I just keep running away from everything.”
“Emir. I wanted to watch you grow up. To see you go from beautiful and helpless into someone strong and carefree. I wanted to see what color your eyes would be.”
“Malcolm. You never got to live you dream. You did your best, and I couldn't have stopped you even if we knew what would happen. You gave me something to look forward to, and now no one can take the place you held... you probably, took a bit more of me with you than I thought. Are you proud of me, or ashamed? I really thought we might all be together, by now.”
She can't say out loud any more of what she's feeling, even in front of the graves and their silence. She's trying for that closure thing that doesn't even make sense to her in concept. She tries to let herself mourn, to get the rest of it out. But this isn't one of those easy days.
“I wish it was different.” She wants her brother back, for her mom and dad. But... her loss is quickly bubbling up from somewhere much deeper than she knew she had, having to actually face it the reality of Jiraya's return. It's not her brother's fault, her brother is the exact age, to the day, that her son would be now.
Upset that being upset didn't solve anything, she composes herself quickly, and goes to run through her anger at being left behind.
Dustin's not surprised that Jyoti ran off to be alone tonight. He had taken Jiraya on a small tour of the house and it's grounds, showing him the dogs and talking about what activities kids do in this season when it's rainy and cold. They ended the evening with popcorn and juice and watching tv until Jiraya just crashed out.
“I guess... he can sleep in my room for now.” Casimir says finally.
Jyoti's jog didn't settle her emotional turmoil, and she has a high metabolism because of the constant demands she puts on her body for her career. It takes a lot to tire her out. For once she doesn't want to drink away her feelings. That never helped, in the first place.
She ends up working out alone until dawn, then going straight to work for the day. She is determined to move on, somehow. One day things might be easier. At least she's feeling better to have said some things that she's been holding in for so long. “No more suppressing my feelings, that's a start.” She reasons. Not that anyone is listening to her here either.
Casimir falls asleep feeling conflicted, but too tired to be awake any more.
Maybe this won't change anything.
Jiraya gets to have beautiful dreams.
Caz tries telling Jiraya more things that would help them 'get along', but they just don't mean anything yet. Jiraya's not used to being the quiet one, but there's nothing he wants to say.
Until Caz mentions being afraid of the dark, because they're still standing here outside, and he's uncomfortable. “I'm not afraid of anything.” Jiraya insists.
“Don't you know how many big animals live in the woods, and only come out at night? Everybody knows about that!”
“Eh. I'll bet the animals don't even want to leave the woods. They're probably more scared of you than you are of them.” Jiraya reasons.
He is rewarded with a fleeting genuine smile. “Do you want to play a game with me inside?”
“What's it called?'
“A pillow fight.”
Jiraya's face brightens. “I'm good at that!”
I will always be trying to top the Dustin getting hit in the face with a pillow pic. Caz has nice eyes, here.
Casimir wins.
After Caz leaves, Jiraya tries to work through his first day in a new place. There's too much to put into words, even in his mind... but he doesn't feel bad about being here. It's all strange and different. Pictures of trees in books, didn't look like the wooded expanse he's seeing now from the second story window, where leaves like a moving blanket of green, shivering in cold rain are obscured by patches of cloying mist. The whole view is something unreal.
Jyo drives slowly, listless for a while. She circles downtown and passes the house a few times because she can't decide on turning down any particular road. She doesn't want to stop, until she realizes that there's somewhere she needs to go.
The house is peaceful, even stoic from the outside.
The buildings in Roaring heights, homes included, are all lit as if they are a focal point of community pride. Even that is different from Starlight Shores, where the city is bright and the houses have to squeeze in wherever they can, overshadowed by billboards and corralled by steep drops in elevation.
Here in this place that still feels new, but is not, there is even a mansion for the dead. Jyo keeps telling herself to stop making comparisions.
To the right of where Eugene and Lize rest, is the small tomb where Jyoti's son, and her husband, sleep.
“I'm sorry I haven't been by in a long time. I've wanted to move on, to start a new life here, so I thought I should let go, and not visit. But I failed. I want you with me, time hasn't healed anything, and I just keep running away from everything.”
“Emir. I wanted to watch you grow up. To see you go from beautiful and helpless into someone strong and carefree. I wanted to see what color your eyes would be.”
“Malcolm. You never got to live you dream. You did your best, and I couldn't have stopped you even if we knew what would happen. You gave me something to look forward to, and now no one can take the place you held... you probably, took a bit more of me with you than I thought. Are you proud of me, or ashamed? I really thought we might all be together, by now.”
She can't say out loud any more of what she's feeling, even in front of the graves and their silence. She's trying for that closure thing that doesn't even make sense to her in concept. She tries to let herself mourn, to get the rest of it out. But this isn't one of those easy days.
“I wish it was different.” She wants her brother back, for her mom and dad. But... her loss is quickly bubbling up from somewhere much deeper than she knew she had, having to actually face it the reality of Jiraya's return. It's not her brother's fault, her brother is the exact age, to the day, that her son would be now.
Her son and her husband... she will have to wait to meet them on the other side. Other side of what, exactly? “Is the place you are in... really better? I wish I could join you already.” She whispers, finally. There is no wind and her small, angry voice carries through the little tomb and outside to be buffered into the windless night.
Upset that being upset didn't solve anything, she composes herself quickly, and goes to run through her anger at being left behind.
Dustin's not surprised that Jyoti ran off to be alone tonight. He had taken Jiraya on a small tour of the house and it's grounds, showing him the dogs and talking about what activities kids do in this season when it's rainy and cold. They ended the evening with popcorn and juice and watching tv until Jiraya just crashed out.
“I guess... he can sleep in my room for now.” Casimir says finally.
“Thanks, kid. That's very kind of you.” Dustin replies.
Jyoti's jog didn't settle her emotional turmoil, and she has a high metabolism because of the constant demands she puts on her body for her career. It takes a lot to tire her out. For once she doesn't want to drink away her feelings. That never helped, in the first place.
She ends up working out alone until dawn, then going straight to work for the day. She is determined to move on, somehow. One day things might be easier. At least she's feeling better to have said some things that she's been holding in for so long. “No more suppressing my feelings, that's a start.” She reasons. Not that anyone is listening to her here either.
Casimir falls asleep feeling conflicted, but too tired to be awake any more.
Maybe this won't change anything.
Jiraya gets to have beautiful dreams.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jyo has been running a long time, she'll probably never stop (roles, I tell ya, roles!).
Caz and Jiraya like each other well enough, but I think Casimir might have figured out that he wasn't getting enough attention in this story. Then again, Jyo is scarce sometimes too. I get distracted by unusual things and Jyo and Cas just do the same things all the time. They're still in for a great ride though.
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